I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
