My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
