Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
