Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
