I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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