lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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