we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
