I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I've blown a few things in my day
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
