I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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