Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
