Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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