U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
