I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
