bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
