I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
