she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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