By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I need moral support for this bender
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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