oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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