We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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