i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
soo... how was my night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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