i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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