at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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