Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
