i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Your tits are I can't wait for
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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