apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
