i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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