well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
BRING THE BAGELS
Terrible idea I love it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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