Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
