Ambien. No doubt about it.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
