is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
