She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
