why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
