Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
