i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
