the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
