As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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