took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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