In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
