I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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