peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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