dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I need to align my fucking chakras
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
