I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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