I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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