We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Drunk is not a location!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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