Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
