I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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