omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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