I got chris browned last night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
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Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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