I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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