i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
