I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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