my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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