Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
