I'm laying in your front yard are you home
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
