Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
