This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
