I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
