i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
