i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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