there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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