I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
