I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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