This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
