God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My balls are so social today.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
