she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
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