my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
