what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
