another moral hangover. fuck.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
