what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
