Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
