seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
