I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
