i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
