So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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