how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
