i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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