you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
